When I think about honor, I have flashbacks to my childhood watching The Karate Kid with Mr. Miyagi talking about his family’s honor. It’s something I view a very traditional family emphasizing since childhood. And of course, it’s also one of the Ten Commandments, to honor your mother and father. Okay, so it’s important to your parents, and family in general, but what does honor have to do with my spouse?
Love Doesn’t Dishonor Others
That verse is also translated that Love:
- Is not rude
- Does not behave itself unseemly
- Does not act unbecomingly
- Does not act improperly
- Does not act inappropriately
- Does not commit what is shameful
Half of those words sound like something my grandparents would say. No one really worries about acting improper or unbecomingly anymore. No one wants to be proper. It’s all about testing limits and pushing boundaries. But somewhere along the way, we lost the protection that comes with limits.
Committing to someone, especially in marriage, changes how we should act. I’ve seen many people try to live a single life, while being “with” someone. You can’t be one with someone if you’re spending your time flirting and vying for the attention of others. It’s inappropriate. (Yikes, there’s that word we don’t like.)
If my husband did that, I’d feel pretty worthless. Not because I get my self-worth from him, but because I would feel like he didn’t value me or hold me in high esteem. That’s what we’re missing with honor. Honor is showing my spouse that he matters above all else.
If Paul McCartney came to town and invited me to sing with him, the first thing I would say (once I regained my power of speech) is that it is a special honor to have such an opportunity. Being a ginormous Beatles fan (and a fan of his writing, playing, etc.), I would be astounded that I am able to share a stage with a musician of his talent and experience.
Time to Reflect
So how am I treating my husband with honor? Or… how am I dishonoring him? Yikes.
I’m a task-oriented person, so there are too many times when I focus on what’s in front of me rather than my husband and his needs.
Love that doesn’t dishonor gives full attention to their spouse when they are talking instead of focusing on your phone or TV.
Love that doesn’t dishonor sees ways you can bless your spouse instead of viewing things as my vs. their responsibility.
Love that doesn’t dishonor refuses to put your spouse down, especially in front of other people. Love that doesn’t dishonor won’t laugh at your spouse’s expense.
Love that doesn’t dishonor not only holds your spouse in higher esteem than yourself, but higher than all others too.
What do you think? Is it difficult for you to show honor to your spouse or does it come naturally?
My husband and I started out as friends at college. We met and enjoyed spending time together which turned into taking walks together every night or hanging out whenever we had free time. I remember just trying to soak up everything about him, his hopes for the future, the things he liked and didn’t like, and what made him laugh. I went out of my way to help him study or to get him lunch if a class went long.
15 years later and it’s easier for me to be annoyed when I need to go out of my way for him than to look at ways I can help as a labor of love. It’s selfishness. That doesn’t show love. And love doesn’t dishonor others.